On the way to the airport..

Start a conversation with a cabbie and see where it leads. Depending on how I'm feeling I’ll start the banter or sit there in silence. This morning I said nothing.  The cabbie drove way too slow for my money, hugged the side of the road and wasn't sure where my destination was (and this in a country town).  Despite the slow start, the day went well.  I was in town running a Violence Prevention Workshop. The staff were a great mob and the day went well. This afternoon the pressure was off. The cabbie arrived and I was up for a chat.

We started with the weather and finished with the ‘boat people’.  I was enjoying his company, even while he was bagging everything from our Prime Minister to the new iPhone 5.  He seemed to roll with the punches as I set about bemoaning the destructiveness of the Opposition Leader and agreeing with him on the iPhone  We covered a lot of ground in 15 minutes. But then he started on about ‘boat people’ coming to Oz and I asked him to explain his views more deeply.  What he had to say was informed by commercial radio talk back, so by definition was neither generous nor factual. We continued chatting for a few minutes when we arrived at the airport and I asked him to think again about what he’d said, because it struck me as a being a long way from the reality. He said he might.  I paid him the fare, said I’d tip him next time if we agreed and checked into the flight home.

Often in these situations I’ll just listen to these views and while not agreeing, I won’t disagree.  It’s easier to let others say insulting, inappropriate and racist comments rather than challenge them. 

What do you normally in situations such as this? Do you challenge or question views that you strongly disagree with, or do you let them ride?  Most of us I suspect let them ride. Why?

My sense is that we do so to minimise the possibility of conflict. How often during a day do we do the quick conflict calculation and decide to let it go.  

The calculation goes:

If I challenge what was just said, I run the risk of creating conflict between me and the person who said it (what you might call increasing external conflict). 

If I let it go, I run the risk of feeling I let myself and others down (what you might call increasing internal conflict).  

 Most of us most of the time settle for the latter.

Challenge disrespectful behaviour = increased risk of external conflict

Don’t challenge disrespectful behaviour = increased risk of internal conflict

Next time you’re in a cab and the cabbie starts to say things that you strongly disagree with, have a go at challenging what’s said. You get added value for your fare by practicing how well you can challenge someone without alienating them.  And you don’t become a silent bystander where the assumption is you agree with what’s being said.

See you at the airport.  J